Monday, May 23, 2005

Top Five List

True Love Means Never Having to Say:

1) I'm sorry detective, but I can't explain why my fingerprints match the markings left on the decedent's throat. Or why the tire tracks on his back match my Michelins. It must be a terrible and strange coincidence.

2) Answer the fucking phone bitch! I know you're there!
C'mon, baby, just answer the phone. You can't be gone all the time. I know your schedule, remember? I call every five minutes, all day long, every day of the week. I know you hear me. Get off your whoring ass and answer this phone right now!
We can work this out baby. You just gotta talk to me. Bitch!

3) Well, Judge Judy, when I bought him the cell phone, I assumed that a) we'd be together forever, and b) that he'd pay his own phone bill after I eventually tricked him into impregnating me.

4) Ow! This knife in my head really hurts!

5) You're not a cop, are you?


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