No Holy Water for Me, Thank You

...it burns a little.

Since this is a journal of sorts, I'm posting my actual journal entries from my visit to The Grotto this morning.


*Are you judging me? Stop looking at me like that. No, I'm not Catholic. I'm a generic, all-purpose pilgrim. Go away Father.
Maybe I shouldn't be so defensive. He only said "Good morning."

*I don't necessarily need divine intervention, or intercession. I just want to understand the forces at work. I could accept a whole lot more of the pain, the slights, so many more of the difficult circumstances if only I understood them.

*Dad was Catholic. I wonder if he prayed to St. Peregrine when he was dying. I didn't pray to anyone to save him. If I had lit a candle at Peregrine's shrine, or expressed even an iota of concern to God, could I have saved my dad? I never gave his dying a second thought until it was too late. For years after, I prayed hard to God to return him to me. Timing is everything. And mine usually sucks.

*God, who encourages you? Who offers to lighten your burden? Has any one of us prayed, "Don't worry about me today--I know how busy you are. I can handle this one small life on my own."
Who tells you what a good job you're doing? And not for the favors you grant them, but for the assistance your giving everyone?
I know I'm supposing that you have limitations like my own, butI'm hoping, really hoping you don't.
With all you have to do, you still make sure that the sun is shining over a green garden somewhere. And you do keep this planet tidy and hospitable, picking up after our messes constantly. You somehow manage to be a doctor, confidant, parent, gardener, savior--you're so many things to so many people who expect you to give, and give, and give. Surely you're a woman.

*In the bible, Lord is the translation of Adonai. A closer translation is beloved. Is love characterized differently in the Hebrew tradition? "Love your neighbor." "Love your God." I'm not sure this is love the way the west understands it. I think the sentiment is closer to fidelity, loyalty, fealty. There's a sense of duty--detached though it is--in these commandments. I didn't understand it when I was a kid in Sunday school, and I don't understand it now. I just can't love a force I don't understand.

But I've always wanted a reason to.

*Would Jesus really give a shit about the rosary and making the sign of the cross and all this crap? As I see it, after everything he's been through, as long as you didn't want to kill him, you'd be in like Flynn.

*I could never be Catholic. I just don't have the knees.