Monday, July 04, 2005

Now, Back to My Usual
Caustic Unpleasantness

My head is a bucket of phlegm. My nose itches, my eyes too. Yeah, I have allergy pills. The Loratadine stuff that doesn't cause drowsiness--there are blister packs littering my kitchen counter and medicine cabinet. I buy them by the bottle at Costco and in boxes everywhere else, but never use all of them. They don't work.

Loratadine won't make you sleepy, but unless it's laced with Pseudophedrine, it won't do a damn thing for allergies either. Nothing. Except irritate the sinuses and mucous membranes of the nasal passages. But Pseudophedrine--miracle drug that it is--is also the chief ingredient of methamphetamine.

Because Oregon has declared war on meth, I can't get the over-the-counter medicine without the third degree and a fucking passport. If I don't want the hassle of having to have all my papers in order to purchase Benadryl or Sudafed or Claratin-D, then I can buy the stuff that's made without Pseudophedrine. Or I can use anything still made with my old friend, Diphenhydramine.

Sleeping pills perform double duty by relieving my allergy symptoms for a couple of days. But then I'm a zombie for those two days. Not to mention, I have a tendency to become dependent on sleeping pills.

What are my choices? Standing in the bread line at the pharmacy for my small ration of pseudophedrine (I'm allowed only one box at a time), sleeping pills, or wasting 8 or 10 bucks on some crap that has no efficacy whatsoever. Loratadine is advertised as an antihistamine, but I think it's just a type of flavoring, like Mrs. Dash or Stevia. Worthless.

Fuck the State of Oregon and the Decongestant Nazis. Don't waste my time and make me feel like some petty criminal because I need medicine to keep my nose from running. Don't look at me suspiciously because I can only tolerate the air I breathe with the aid of a histamine suppressant. I'm a law abiding citizen--for all you know--and deserve better. I'm tired of feeling dirty everytime I have to show my driver's license for a box of Claratin-D. I'm tired of feeling like I need bail money when you take your sweet time writing all my information down on your clipboard like some customs official.

Governor Kulongowski, your tactics have backfired. It's so much easier to pay the black market rate and get my Claratin-D from the neighborhood meth dealer.


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