Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I Think I'm On to Something

Watching American Idol last night--after posting about Lestat's doppelganger--I decided that the remaining contestants might also have evil twins wandering this big ol' world unchecked.

I'll get the obvious out of the way first. Anthony Federov is a Clay Aiken knock-off. If they stood next to each other, you'd tell them apart by holding a mirror to their mouths. Clay is the one with detectable vital signs, and a life-like flush to his face. Anthony is the one with the trache pit/scar, who can communicate only through a Ouija board.

Vonzell is as talented as she is sweet and genuine--I really like her, and she could be this year's Fantasia, now that Constantine is gone. She is the black Ryan Starr, who was the ratty rocker skank from season one. The resemblance between the two is purely physical, because unlike Starr, Vonz is a vocal heavyweight and a class-act, even if her taped song introductions sound like book reports.

Bo Bice should be easy. I was a butt-rocker metal-head in junior high and high school, but I can't seem to find Bo's double. He's has a Lemmy-ness about him--which I think is his long, straight hair, and his beard is coming in a la Grizzly Adams, but there's a softness to his eyes--a warmth emanating that I've never seen in any of the Rock God's I've worshipped in the past. So I'll say he's an amalgamation of Janis Joplin, Lemmy, and Scott Baio. I reserve the right to change this combo should the exact likeness occur to me later.

This year's country bumpkin is the innocent, vocally gifted yet charisma-challenged Carrie Underwood. I think she should be a back-up singer, because she would be more comfortable out of the spotlight. But who does she look like? Well, she's one of a zillion all-American blonde Britney Spears clones, and that's unfortunate because Miss Underwood is far more dignified and poised than BabyMama Britney's publicity people tried to claim she was.

I haven't decided who Scott Savol looks like, and that's too bad for Scott. If he doesn't look like anyone else, the police line-up won't go well for him. Savol is so fat, that he couldn't just buy the leather jacket he wore on last night's show. He had to crawl inside the cow, and they cut and processed the hide around him.
The camera showed a row of folks who had come to cheer Scott on. They were all women, and the caption read 'Scott's Friends'. Back in Ohio, they're known as the Plaintiffs.

By the way, I would have provided pictures, but Fox owns the rights to American Idol contestants' images, families, and souls.

Over and out,



Anonymous Nice Girl said...

God ur a bitch... Fat People jokes are so not cool anymore..

10:44 AM  
Blogger Cindy St. Onge said...

Nice girl,

Perhaps you missed the description at the top mentioning that there will be "mean-spirited editorializing."
And, that's Ms. God to you.


11:28 AM  

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